A blog reader (thanks!) sent me most of these…I added a few…enjoy! 😀

Apartment laundry room sign: “Please be courteous and remove your clothes promptly.”

***

Photographer’s studio: “Out to lunch: If not back by five, out for dinner also.”

***

High school wall: “Fite Illiteracy.”

***

Podiatrist’s office wall: “Time wounds all heels.”

***

Proctologist’s  office door: “To expedite your visit, please back in.”

***

Plumber’s truck: “We repair what your husband fixed.”

***

Another plumber’s truck:”Don’t sleep with a drip. Call your plumber.”

***

Pizza shop: “We offer pizza and quiet.”

***

Repair shop door: “We can repair anything. (Please knock hard on the door – the bell doesn’t work)”

***

Gynecologist’s office: “Dr. Jones, at your cervix.”

***

Auto repair service station: “Try us once – you’ll never go anywhere else again.”

***

Towing company: “We don’t charge an arm and a leg. We want tows.”

***

Electrician’s truck: “Let us remove your shorts.”

***

In a non-smoking area: “If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action.”

***

Maternity room door: “Push. Push. Push.”

***

Maternity ward (Florida): “No children allowed.”

***

Optometrist’s office: “If you don’t see what you’re looking for, you’ve come to the right place.”

***

Outside a muffler shop: “No appointment necessary. We hear you coming.”

***

Package label: “Please notify us at once if this label fell off in transit.”

***

Veterinarian’s waiting room: “Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!”

***

Music teacher’s door: “OUT CHOPIN”

***

Men’s restroom: “Toilet out of order. Please use floor below.”

***

New British Town Hall (which was to be opened by the Queen): “The Town Hall is closed until opening. It will remain closed after being opened. Open tomorrow.”

***

Restaurant window: “Don’t stand there and be hungry; come on in and get fed up.”

***

Front yard of a funeral home: “Drive carefully. We’ll wait.”

***

Chicago radiator shop: “Best place in town to take a leak.”

***

Dry cleaner’s shop: “Anyone leaving their garments here for more than 30 days will be disposed of.”

***

Billboard: “Keep your eyes on the road and stop reading these signs.”