A friend sent me the funniest thing last night. I don’t care if this is a hoax, it made me laugh. Enjoy!
The following questions were set in last year’s GCSE examination in Swindon, Wiltshire (U.K.). These are genuine answers (from 16 year olds):
Q. Name the four seasons. A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.
Q. Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink. A. Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists. [Margaret: I want to know where this kid lives, so I will never go there…sounds like a scary place!]
Q. How is dew formed? A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire. [Margaret: a poet in the making…]
Q. What causes the tides in the oceans? A. The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins the fight. [Margaret: I hear ya. I’m quite lost, too, at this point…]
Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on? A. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed.
Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections? A. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election.
Q. What are steroids? A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.
Q. What happens to your body as you age? A. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental. [Margaret: I can’t wait!]
Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes. A. Premature death.
Q. How can you delay milk turning sour? A. Keep it in the cow. [Margaret: brilliant…I hope this kid got some extra points.]
Q. How are the main 20 parts of the body categorised (e.g., the abdomen)? A. The body is consisted into 3 parts – the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels: A, E, I, O and U. [Margaret: ok, I’d like to know what happened to the other 17 parts…]
Q. What is the fibula? A. A small lie. [Margaret: teehee 1.]
Q. What does ‘varicose’ mean? A. Nearby. [Margaret: teehee 2.]
Q. What is the most common form of birth control? A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium.
Q. Give the meaning of the term ‘Caesarean section’? A. The caesarean section is a district in Rome. [Margaret: next time I go to Rome, I must check that out.]
Q. What is a seizure? A. A Roman Emperor. (Julius Seizure, I came, I saw, I had a fit). [Margaret: so did I, by the time I’d finished reading this list…]
Q. What is a terminal illness? A. When you are sick at the airport. [Margaret: extra points for this answer!]
Q. Use the word ‘judicious’ in a sentence to show you understand its meaning. A. Hands that are judicious can be soft as your face.
Q. What does the word ‘benign’ mean? A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight.
Margaret — I abhor a vacuum too… that’s why I never use one!!! ha ha – thanks for the laughs today…