Somewhat pale, but present…

A blogging friend (thanks!) sent me this list of medical funnies, which I will add to the ones I already have on one of my Funny Pages (scroll down my blog on the right until you reach “Laughter and MM”…there is a whole bunch of funny stuff there…and, incidentally, don’t forget to laugh until your belly aches at least once a day!). I should state that I have no idea if any of the following are TRUE sentences, but, no matter, whatever makes us smile or laugh is good!


These are sentences actually typed by Medical Secretaries in NHS Greater Glasgow:


·        The patient has no previous history of suicides.

·        Patient’s medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.

·        While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.

·        The skin was moist and dry.

·        Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.

·        Patient was alert and unresponsive.

·        Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.

·        She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until she got a divorce.

·        Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.

·        Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.

·        The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.

·        Skin: somewhat pale, but present.

·        The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.

·        Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.

·        Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.

·        The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of fuel and crashed.

·        Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.

·        She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions in early December.

·        Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Smith, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.

·        By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, and he was feeling better.


Okay, these are good, but nothing, not even the rectal thyroid one, can top my all-time medical favourite: the patient was bitten by a bat as he walked down the street on his thumb. Hehe.

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