No “right” way to cope…

As I have written in other posts, back in 2005, after reading the words “mieloma multiplo” on my bone marrow biopsy test result, I burst into tears. Even though I had known for quite some time that my benign condition might progress to malignant myeloma, those two little words punched me right in the stomach. (Note: this was the pre-curcumin era.)


Stefano, my husband of almost 10 years now and partner of 13 years, put his arms around me and just held me. I could feel him trembling, so I knew that he was upset, too. But, other than that, he showed no outward emotion…


Well, ever since then, I have been worried about him. And, occasionally, believing that it was for his own good, I have quizzed him…how does he feel about possibly losing me to myeloma at some point in the future? Why does he almost always put up an invisible shield and dodge my questions? Why, why, why? “It’s not healthy for you to keep your emotions bottled up inside,” I would say to him. And that is what I thought…until yesterday.


That is when I read a Science Daily article ( on how different people cope, differently!, with tragic events. My myeloma cannot be compared to a plane crash, of course, but after reading the above-mentioned article, I feel much reassured about Stefano’s coping strategies.


It seems, in fact, that there is no “right” way to cope. If people want to express their feelings openly, like I do, fine. But if they don’t, then it’s not good to force them or make them feel that there is something wrong with not talking “about it.”


As a result, I won’t bug Stefano anymore. Er, well, okay…at least, I will try!

1 Comment

  1. Hi Margaret,
    Thanks for all your research and links to sources. David sent me to your site and that has helped so much in adjusting to my diagnosis of MM, now Smoldering MM. My husband is very much like staphano. The strong silent type! We all cope differently. When my best friend was diagnosed with breast cancer 3 years ago she was in denial for the first year. the night before her surgery she said, they are going to do a mastectomy, then learn that this is NOT cancer. She was already late stage II. That was her way, she could not face it. I was diagnoses with breast cancer Feb 2008, lumpectomy and radiation with an oncotype DX test score of -17and an excelent prognosis. Dealing with the breast cancer made the MM diagnosis easier to deal with. I had already faced that I am mortal afterall. I’m taking my curcumin, quercetin, Resveratrol, CoQ10, thanks to you and David Emerson. I’ll send you an update after I talk to Dr. Brian Durie of Cedars Sinai in LA. I want his opinion on “Watch and Wait”.

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