These are supposedly real phone calls received by real computer help desks. If Stefano weren’t a computer genius, able to solve all of my computer woes, I might well be one of the customers on this list! Hehe.Tech support: What kind of computer do you have? Customer: A white one

Tech support: Click on the my computer icon on to the left of the screen. Customer: Your left or my left?

Customer: Hi, good afternoon, I can’t print. Every time I try, it says €˜Can’t find printer.’ I’ve even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can’t find it

Customer: I have problems printing in red Tech support: Do you have a colour printer? Customer: Aaaah .thank you.

Tech support: What’s on your monitor now, ma’am? Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me.

Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore. Tech support: Are you sure it’s plugged into the computer? Customer: No. I can’t get behind the computer. Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk ten paces back. Customer: OK. Tech support: Did the keyboard come with you? Customer: Yes. Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard? Customer: Yes, there’s another one here. Ah that one does work

Customer: Can’t get on the Internet. Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password? Customer: Yes, I’m sure. I saw my colleague do it. Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was? Customer: Five stars.

Tech support: What anti-virus program do you use? Customer: Netscape. Tech support: That’s not an anti-virus program. Customer: Oh, sorry Internet Explorer.

Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.

Tech support: How may I help you? Customer: I’m writing my first e-mail. Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem? Customer: Well, I have the letter €˜a’ in the address, but how do I get the circle around it?

A customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer. Tech support: Are you running it under windows? Customer: No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his printer is working fine.

And last but not least

Tech support: Okay Colin, let’s press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter P to bring up the Program Manager.

Customer: I don’t have a P.

Tech support: On your keyboard, Colin.

Customer: What do you mean?

Tech support: P ..on your keyboard, Colin.

Customer: I’M NOT GOING TO DO THAT!!!